How Do You Know If Your Family Is Complete?


Ever since last summer when we adopted Marigold, we’ve been asked (pretty close to DAILY) if our family is complete, or if we plan to adopt more children. In the months since then, I’ve give all three answers depending on my frame of mind that day: We’re definitely done, we may adopt more in the future, and we have no idea. All of those answers feel true to me in different moments, with the most consistent one being “we have no idea.”

I have to admit, I am surprised how unsure I feel! I’m a planner by nature and loose ends in my plans bother me quite a bit.

A few years back, one of my blogger friends said that the way they knew whether their family was complete was that after each child, they looked around the dinner table and they just kind of knew whether or not anyone was missing. I LOVED the idea of that and I was so excited to try it after we were home and settled in with our second child.

But surprise, surprise … it just did not work for me. At all.

I have had several moments where I passionately said to Jeremy that I know we will adopt at least two more children (to which he just laughs at me, by the way!). I’ve also had plenty of days I feel the opposite. Two is a good number! I love having two children. And when I get SUPER honest with myself, the biggest reason I like to think we might have more children is that I loved the adoption process so much and it’s hard for me to imagine never going through it again. I think a lot of people feel this way when they realize they might be totally done having children—like wow, that went by really fast … I wouldn’t mind doing it all over just once more!

Our social worker gave us some solid advice that now really is not the time to decide. So we decided to revisit it in a few years, maybe when Marigold is ready for kindergarten.

The planner in me didn’t like this at first, but after a few months of letting it set in I’m feeling really good. I’m realizing now that three years is a short amount of time, but it’s also a massive difference having children who are 2 and 4 versus 5 and 7. A world of difference!

If you’ve been through this, I’d love to hear your thoughts. And if you’re going through it, you’re not alone!

Cheers to not knowing. Sometimes it’s the best medicine to just embrace the phase of life you are in and not try to see what’s next. That’s what I’ll be over here trying to do!

*Kids pjs here.

Credits // Author: Elsie Larson. Photography: Amber Ulmer. Photos edited with A Color Story Desktop.
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